


Living a Lie

by starprise_entership



Series: The Doctor and The Counsellor are Best Friends [5]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Breakups, Everyone is Queer, Multi, coming to terms with lesbianism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 18:00:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13013175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starprise_entership/pseuds/starprise_entership
Summary: After Ezri sorts out her feelings from Jadzia’s, she finds that she’s been pretty mistaken about her feelings for Julian.





	Living a Lie

The dim, ambient light brings out Kira’s eyes as she laughs at a joke over her drink. Ezri watches her for a moment, pleasantly satisfied with her reaction.

“How do you just keep coming up with these!” Kira explodes, leaning forward. She locks her gaze with Ezri’s, and gives a wide smile.

“Nine lives sure gave me a lotta time to think about these.” Ezri replies, confidently. She edges forward, teetering on the edge of her seat. Being just so close to Kira makes Ezri all fluttery and she can’t just ignore this sinking feeling, the sinking feeling that’s been present for most of her joined life, ever since she met Kira.

It took a lot of soul-searching to separate her feelings from Jadzia’s, and now everything was clear, and she didn’t want to live this lie any longer.

Kira brushes a lock of Ezri’s hair behind her ear, running her thumb over Ezri’s cheek, which is currently flushed red. Heartened by Kira’s gesture of affection, Ezri finally gets the opportunity to do what she had been wanting to do all evening.

To her surprise, Kira isn’t all that alarmed when Ezri leans in. Kira welcomes her kiss, and returns the gesture enthusiastically. When Kira pulls away, she’s smiling, but Ezri knows that she must be confused.

“I’m sorry,” Ezri sputters. “I probably should be going now.” Hurriedly, she gets up from her seat and briskly walks away, wrapping her arms around herself. Her head’s still spinning - it’s not the space-sickness this time, but rather the mix of emotions that’s bubbling up inside her. This is normal, she tells herself, for she’s already gone through this in her head beforehand.

“Time to retire for the night, I guess,” she says out loud, to herself. But there’s a problem. Ezri doesn’t have quarters of her own - she’ll have to settle that with Kira in the morning, after having to explain the split, the split that hasn’t happened yet but will happen in the next half an hour or so. Ezri takes a deep breath and steels herself, before returning to the quarters she shares with Julian.

As usual, Julian slouches on the sofa, doing some late night reading. Ezri stumbles in, a bit more agitated than usual, almost knocking over a bottle on the shelf. Yelping silently, she grabs the bottle just before it topples off its perch, heaving a sigh of relief.

“Ezri?” Julian looks up from his PADD. He puts it aside, and makes space for her on the sofa. “You’re not looking too well.”

Ezri plops herself down next to Julian. Taking another deep breath, she reminds herself that this lie has to end, and it’s time to come clean. “I think it’d be best for both of us, if we break up.”

“Break up?” Julian remains calm, almost composed. “I mean, if you want to leave, you really should, if it makes you feel better.”

“I’ve just managed to finally sort out my feelings from Jadzia’s. And I’ve come to the conclusion,” Ezri pauses, “that I think my feelings for you were perhaps, mistaken.”

Julian nods somberly, but almost distractedly.

“Ever since I was joined, I kinda knew that there were some parts of me that weren’t going to change because of the symbiont. It was diffficult, processing Jadzia’s feelings for Worf. And for you. And for any of her male lovers.” Ezri sighed. “You see, I’m a-a lesbian. Always have been. I’m sorry if I’ve, I’ve managed to make you feel hurt because I’ve hid this from you. Or if I’ve made you feel terrible because of our breakup.” 

“I’m glad for you. For sorting out your past lives.” Julian assures. He clasps his hands. “I think I’ve also got something to confess.”

“Go ahead.” Ezri listens on, attentively.

“I think I could’ve loved you better if I wasn’t more in love with someone else.” Julian admits. “My feelings for you were mostly shaky at best, all because of Garak. He’s been a constant presence in my life for the past seven years. I don’t know when exactly I stopped thinking of him as a friend and more of someone I had fallen for, but his absence makes it even harder to miss him. I’m very, very sorry, Ezri. I don’t think I could’ve gone on living this, this lie.”

“And I’m the one breaking up with you.” Ezri reminds him, crossing her arms. “I guess there’s no need for both of us to really be sorry.”

“Agreed. Since this breakup benefits both of us.”

Ezri sits in silence across from her now ex-boyfriend, now feeling more relieved than ever.

Julian leans back in his seat, bringing an arm up over his head, stretching. “I, too, would’ve chosen tonight to break up with you. I’ve booked a transport to Cardassia next week.”

“Are you staying?”

A short pause. “I don’t know yet.” Another brief pause. “I want to see how Garak takes it first.”

“Good luck, then,” Ezri yawns. “Do you think I could just stay here just for tonight? I’ll take my stuff and leave tomorrow.”

“I suppose so,” Julian returns. “I’ll sleep on the sofa tonight.”

“Oh, there’s no need to leave the whole bed to me,” Ezri retorts, insistent. But Julian still refuses, stating that he’s on call. Ezri bids him good night, and retires to the bedroom.


End file.
